I’m so sorry I haven’t been blogging for quite some time now, I’ve just been sick since sunday night, so I didn’t really feel like it..

Btw. I’m so fucking tired of being sick all the time…. I get sick almost every single time I decide to do something good and healthy for myself and my body – Friday, my boyfriend and I decided to start working out a lot more, than what we’ve been doing so far since we joined our local fitness center and we actually made a plan for this week, so we would actually do it, which said we had to exercise 4 days out of the 7… – Then I got sick… and you shouldn’t exercise when you’ve caught a cold and a fever.. 
This happens to me ALL THE FUCKING TIME!..

I remember a little over 2 years ago; I’ve been struggling with losing weight and finding the motivation and the right way to do it since I got back home from America (in 2009), where I was living and going to school as an exchange student for a year – I had gained over 10 kilos while staying there… In the mid-end of 2010 I finally found my motivation! I went to the gym 5-6 days a week (some weeks 7 days a week), while trying to eat as healthy as I could (while living at home) and then I went on a “no-sugar”-diet as well(which to me meant, no candy, no cake, no soda, no chips, no ice cream, no chocolate, no white bread, pasta or rice etc.). It all went so well! But in the beginning I actually only gained weight, and I was so sad because my weight just kept going up, even though I knew it was just muscles and even though I knew I lost centimeters all over my body – I just didn’t like to see the weighing scale go up all the time… Well, finally after gaining a little over 6 kilos of muscle, I started losing weight – fat, this time! I was so overly super happy that day, I remember, and it just got me even more motivated – What I was doing was working – my hard work was paying off!
BUT! I didn’t get to lose more than about 3 kilos of fat before all of my hard work was ruined…….. In december 2010, I got mono (aka. the “kissing disease”) and I just couldn’t do anything else than lie in my bed or on the couch for a month.. I lost weight rapidly, just not in a good way.. ’cause what I lost was all of the muscle I had just built up, and while that was happening I gained all of the fat I had just lost – which meant; I was now set back to square one.. 
I started school again in january 2011, even though I wasn’t all better yet, and wasn’t allowed to speak for 2 weeks, because I was that hoarse and had almost completely lost my voice for 5 weeks at that point.
In april 2011, I could finally start exercising again, but I had to start up slowly – I was in such a bad shape and had the worst condition EVER, right there.. I could only stay on the cross trainer for 5 minutes, tops! – and that was actually pushing myself to the limit.

Well, at least I’m in better shape now, but I’ve been fighting to get my motivation back ever since…. and every time I get it back, I get sick… So I mean it’s really like someone just doesn’t wants me to succeed.. It’s really like someone just wants to make it hard for me.. I really don’t get it?
Well, that was it.. I was just trying to make out my point with an example – I know it was sort of a loooooong example though, haha sorry :)

I so hope I’m feeling better tomorrow so I can start working out and eating healthy again! :D 

Goodnight, I need to get some more rest now :*

I’m tired… I’m so tired of always “having to be” this super overly happy Silje, which I almost always seem to be, unless people know me to the core.
I’m tired of smiling and laughing when all I really want is to crumple up in a corner and just cry.
I’m tired of being tired and I’m tired of that I just cannot act “normal” and be in a plain mood, when that is how I really feel…. Just plain – simple… ordinary… no pattern….. just… one color.   
Why do I keep making myself seem even happier than I am when I am at my happiest.. when I am really dying inside?
I’ve put myself in this situation. I can’t get out. This is how I am in their eyes. Always….
If I stop pretending now, they’d think I had changed. They’d think I wasn’t being me. They’d think something would be wrong. Because this is how it is. This is who I am.

They think they know, they know me. The truth is; they don’t. They only know the façade.
A couple of times they’ve seen, through tiny holes, what’s hiding behind the walls I built – but they’ve never seen what’s hiding in the caves.

I wish I could stop putting a mask on. I’m not in control. It’s like I do not have a choice. But… I know I have a choice. My “select” button just broke – and I’m too broke to fix it.

I’m sorry if this post was too melancholic, I normally don’t do these sorts of posts, but I just had to get some things out of my system… If you don’t like posts like this, that’s okay, this is mostly just for myself.
I got the inspiration, for letting my feelings out this way, from my boyfriends sister, who’s got a blog as well.
This is her video, which inspired me (it’s in danish though):

Ps. I might do a post or two more – this style – I’m not done yet.

Goodnight :)

Today I decided that I wanted to do my nails, so I did :)

I normally don’t wear nailpolish, to be honest, even though I have so many different colors (well, I want to be better at wearing it..) and every single time I paint my nails, I never remove it afterwards, not even when it starts to flake off.. I just wait for it to vanish all by it self..
Also, I have a hard time pulling myself together to cut my nails.. I normally just let them grow until they split (but I hate that! eeww, so I should really cut them more often).
But well, today!!!.. (daaahhhdaaaahhhdaaahdaaaaaaahhhmm) …I actually removed my old nailpolish (which I have been wearing from a week before new year’s), cut my nails, made a hand spa for myself, put a whole lot of moisturizer on my hands afterwards and then I painted my nails! :D

Here you have some before and after photos:

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Ps. I’m sorry that my fingers are so red in the last two photos, but it’s just freezing in our apartment, so like.. I can’t help it.

Pps. I’m gonna try to do a whole lot more “before & after”-posts with different things regularly, if people want that.

The other day I made myself a foot spa in the living room and it was so really nice! I love foot spas!!! ..and I’m just sitting here right now thinking to myself: “I should do that more often” – but well, in fact we should all do that more often!
It’s so nice and relaxing…… and then you get really soft feet :D

“The foot”-series from Matas is actually really awesome – and then it’s cheap :) ..Win win!

The water was pretty hot in the beginning haha, and then apparently my little kitten was very fascinated by the water? He just sat there the whole time.. :p

Just a week ago or so (..I hate when I rhyme and it’s not on purpose!) I was at “Tiffany’s Beauty” getting a full body massage – it was soooo so nice! I felt SO good afterwards and had so much more energy.
The man who gave me the massage was actually all new at “Tiffany’s Beauty”, he almost just got to Denmark from Spain and gave me a massage the way they do it down there, I was told.
The service was really good too, although the man from Spain didn’t really know any danish or english yet, but it all worked out fine after all and fortunately the other staff speaks danish and english, so everything was good.

Woah.. but! anyway… You should really give them a try, they’re really good at what they’re doing and my massage was great – I almost fell asleep when he gave my feet a massage, I couldn’t keep my eyes open at all.. so I had to really concentrate on not falling asleep right there haha! :)
So yeah, give them a try and check out their website by clicking on the link in the parenthesis, they do a lot more than just massages ( http://tiffanysbeauty.dk/ ) – but, well at least I know I’m gonna go there to get a massage once every or every other month.

Right now they actually have a super sweet deal on groupon.dk – check it out: http://www.groupon.dk/deals/kobenhavn/Tiffanys-Beauty-and-wellness/2528944